Star Wars parody stories
by VWX
Summary: Just a story to celebrate the new star wars movie. Don't take it to seriously. Also it contains spoilers to the movies so if you haven't seen them then don't watch this


**In 1977 a beloved movie called Star Wars was released. It was made by George Lucas. The movie became a huge success and made two more sequels is to this day one of the most beloved movie trilogies of all times. And became one of the biggest masterpieces of all times. And is one of the biggest influences to filmmakers at hollywood. It was praised for storyline, characters, music and special effects and showed a new view to cinema. Then at the late 90's a prequel movie was made. While it was one of the most anticipated movie of all times it also became one of the biggest let downs in history of movies. It was also that time of the year when George Lucas released the special edition where he makes CGI changes to the original trilogy. These changes has gotten a negative reaction by fans which they claimed that it's very unnecessary and unneeded. Star wars has in total 6 canonical movies and a seventh one is on it's way and it's the most anticipated movie this year. The original star wars movie trilogy has become one of the most finest childhood movies of all time and will continue in generation after generation.**

 **And this is my star wars parody. Which is in celebration to the new star wars movie. I hope you'll enjoy it.**

* * *

 **Get out of here**

Qui-Gonn and Jar Jar walks in the forrest

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Now get out of here" Said Qui-Gonn

"No mesa stay. Mesa's comic relief. Mesa gives fart and clumsy times" Said Jar Jar

"That won't be necessary" Said Qui-Gonn

"Oh but it is" Said Jar Jar

"Sigh very well" Said Qui-Gonn

And then Qui-Gonn push Jar Jar and he puts his lightsaber on and he cuts Jar Jar's head off

"Whoops I'm so sorry it was an accident um not really but i swear it was an accident" Said Qui-Gonn

 **No father?**

"So who is the father?" Said Qui-Gonn

"There is no father. it just happened that Anakin was inside of me. But there where no father at all" Said Shmi

"That is the dumbest thing i have ever heard in my entire life" Said Qui-Gonn

"What? Don't you think it's poetic?" Said Shmi

"No. Virgin birth is stupid and not to mentioned it's impossible. That boy defiantly has a father you can't seriously mean we're supposed to buy that crap?" Said Qui-Gonn

"But why is it that I don't remember?" Said Shmi

"You probably got drunk and did with several guys. Thats the best logical answer to this. Now shut up" Said Qui-Gonn

 **Worms?**

Jango Fett talks to an assassin. And gives her a bottle

"Now kill Padme" Said Jango Fett

"So let me get this straight you are a bounty hunter that hires an assassin to kill senator Padme with worms?" Said the Assassin

"Yeah pretty much" Said Jango Fett

"This is so stupid why would I use worms? Why not laser blaster? Ore bombs? Ore gas? Why would I use worms it makes no sense and it's stupid" Said Assassin

"Yeah I know that using a laser blaster would make much more sense. But. I'm not the one who wrote the script. So I'm sorry you have to stick with using worms" Said Jango

"This is just a lazy excuse so Padme would survive isn't it?" Said Assassin

"Oh yeah defiantly" Said Jango Fett

 **Hoth?**

"Damit I hate this place" Said rebel soldier 1

"Yeah it's really cold" Said rebel soldier 2

"This place should have been called cold. Am I right? Right?" Said Rebel soldier 1

"That pun physically hurts me" Said Rebel soldier 2

 **New Death Star**

"Eh this new death star better not have any holes that leads to the main reactor. I don't want the new death star to be blown up again. Right?" Said the emperor

"No, no, no. This time it's an even bigger hole. So big that it can fit an entire spaceship that can fly to the main reactor and blow it up to pieces and the spaceship to go safely outside" Said a soldier

"Exelle... Wait? What?" Said the Emperor

 **Don't give me that look**

"Don't give me that look" Said Padme

"Why not?" Said Anakin

"It makes me uncomfortable" Said Padme

Padme walks away and Anakin gives her a creepy look

"Sorry my lady" Said Anakin with a creepy look

"Oh god that makes it even worse" Said Padme

Padme talks to Obi Wan

"You're not gonna let me be alone with this guy are you?" Said Padme

"Please can't you just let him be with you" Said Obi Wan

"Why?" Said Padme

"Okay I'll tell you a secret. The truth is I can't stand him" Said Obi Wan

"I heard that" Said Anakin

 **What are the jedis doing**

Obi Wan lands on a sand planet and he contacts Yoda and Mace Window

"Hi I belive I have found Count Dooku" Said Obi Wan

"Oh thats good it is" Said Yoda

"You better find him and take him back to coruscant" Said Mace Window

"Yes sir. But there are some problems" Said Obi Wan

"Like what?" Said Mace Window

"Well you see I believe that Count Dooku has an entire army of droids and I doubt that I can kill them all alone. And also I believe that there are some droids after me right as we speak. Could you guys send reinforcement?" Said Obi Wan

"No we can't do" Said Yoda

"Why not?" Said Obi Wan

"Because several of the Jedi council are out to do their business" Said Mace Window

"You mean to tell me all of the Jedi are busy?" Said Obi Wan

"Yes. Sit on these chair is important it is" Said Yoda

"I'm really doing all the work aren't I?" Said Obi Wan

"Yes" Said Yoda

 **I don't like sand**

"I don't like sand. It's core, rough, irritating. And it gets everywhere" Said Anakin

"Wow that must be the cheesiest thing i have ever heard in my life" Said Padme

"What? I'm just saying my opinion on sand" Said Anakin

"Like I really care about your opinion on sand. I mean who gives a shit?" Said Padme

"I'm just trying to be romantic" Said Anakin

"In what way was that romantic?" Said Padme

"Eh... I don't have the answer to that" Said Anakin

 **Han shot first**

"Yeah I bet you have" Said Han

And then he shots. Only he shots. And then Boba Fett appears for no reason at all other than being in this scene

"Wait, wait, wait. You shot first" Said Boba Fett

"Uh yeah. He holded a gun on me. He wanted to shot me. Why would't I?" Said Han Solo

"I don't know" Said Boba Fett

 **Special Edition changes**

"Okay I want a CGI changes on this scene and on this scene and again at this scene. Oh yeah we must make Greedo shot first. Oh that reminds me we must change Greedo into CGI. As well with Chewbacca. And we must also Yoda into a CGI character. And we must also replace Jack Lloyd into CGI so he can be more realistic am I right?" Said George Lucas

"Um George do you have any idea what you're talking about?" Said a worker

"No not at all I just change shit and don't give a shit about. Now lets change stuff. We must replace Sebastian Shaw with Hayden Christensen. Don't worry we will make him to CGI" Said George Lucas

 **I have a son?**

Darth Vader talks to the Emperor

"What is it my master?" Said Darth Vader

"Well you see I believe this boy Luke to be the off spring of Anakin Skywalker and..." Said the Emperor

"Wait, I have a son?" Said Darth Vader

"No. Anakin Skywalker has a son and..." Said The Emperor

"I have a son. I don't believe it. I must tell everybody" Said Darth Vader and he runs off

"Hey where are you going? Oh god dammit" Said The Emperor

Darth Vader runs to stormtroopers

"Geuss what stormtroopers. I have a son" Said Darth Vader

Then he runs to Bounty Hunters

"I have a son Bounty Hunters" Said Darth Vader

Darth Vader walks in cloud city

"This is so great. I can't wait to met him" Said Darth Vader

He meets Luke Skywalker cuts his right hand off and tells him everything

"No. Thats not true. Thats IMPOSSIBLE" Said Luke

"Yeah I know it's a bit shocking but I'm just so glad to see you" Said Darth Vader

"You cut my hand off" Said Luke

"Oh don't be such a baby. I lost both my arms and legs and you don't see me complaining... Now join me and we can rule the galaxy like father and son" Said Darth Vader

And then Luke jumps off and falls

"Oh I see. So you rather want to die then join with me to rule the galaxy together with your own father? Go to your room in hell" Said Darth Vader

 **Stormtroopers can't shot**

"Look a rebel" Said Stormtrooper 1

He fires but he misses

"You missed again? How many times have you missed a target?" Said Stormtrooper 2

"This is the 500th time i have missed" Said Stormtrooper 1

"Why are we so bad at shooting?" Said Stormtrooper 2

"I don't know. Every time I shot something I always misses" Said Stormtrooper 1

"I know the same thing happens to me. Why are we stormtrooper such a bad shooters?" Said Stormtrooper 2

"Yeah the same thing happens to me. We suck" Said Stormtrooper 3

Two repel soldier stands right next to them

"Should I kill them?" Said Rebel 1

"No I want to know whats happens next" Said Rebel 2

 **You should't have given me that kiss**

"I'm hunted by that kiss. You should't have given me" Said Anakin

"What?" Said Padme

"I'm saying you should't have given me that kiss" Said Anakin

"Are you saying that you didn't like my kiss?" Said Padme

"Eh no I..." Said Anakin

"Are saying I'm a bad kisser?" Said Padme

"No" Said Anakin

"Then what is it?" Said Padme

""I'm saying that I feel guilty" Said Anakin

"Guilty? Guilty for what? Are you having fantasy about me Anakin?" Said Padme

"Eh..." Said Anakin

"Oh my god you do have fantasies about me. You're a sick pervert Anakin. I'm leaving you" Said Padme

"What? I thought you loved me" Said Anakin

"I have never loved you. I mean only an unrealistic girl would ever fall in love with you" Said Padme

 **I hate them**

"I killed them. I killed all of them. But not just the men but the woman and children... They're like animals so I slaughtered them like animals. I HATE THEM" Said Anakin

"Okay... Well I just have to..." Said Padme and she runs away

"No one would ever stay with a guy like that. He is unbelievable unlikable douchebag" Said Padme

 **You lied to me**

"So did you make your son to join the dark side?" Said The Emperor

"No. But I'm just so happy to find out I have a son. I have to tell everybody. Hey stormtroopers guess what I have a son..." Said Darth Vader

"Sigh there he goes again. It's so annoying when he's like this" Said The Emperor

"Hey wait a second. You told me that I killed Padme in my anger" Said Darth Vader

"Eh yes?" Said The Emperor

"But then how could she give birth to a kid. That doesn't add up" Said Darth Vader

"Eh... She... S-she lost her will to live?" Said The Emperor

"YOU LIED TO ME I'LL KILL YOU" Said Darth Vader

and then he chases after The Emperor with his lightsaber on

 **The end**

Luke sees his father's ghost along with Yoda and Obi Wan's ghost

"Hey thank god you're the way I know you look like instead of some stranger" Said Luke

"Yeah I know. Why would I do that?" Said Anakin's ghost

"I don't know. Well see you" Said Luke and he goes away

"You know I have been thinking about something" Said Obi Wan

"And whats that?" Said Anakin

"This party sucks lets get out of here" Said Obi Wan

"Yeah" Said both Anakin and Yoda

 **And thats all. Deal with it**


End file.
